Midnight Patrons
by Nyx Starlight
Summary: (AU) Sawada Tsunayoshi had a strange obsession with going to the store at ungodly hours, and he would be lying if he said these trips were completely normal. In fact, for some odd reason, every time Tsuna goes to this store at night, he meets people the opposite of normal. Slight All27 that will show up later, series of drabbles, crackish.
1. Chapter 1

**I've been obsessing over KHR lately and because of that, plot bunnies attacked, and I barely made it out alive…**

 **Warning:Occasional OCCness, occasional cursing, all that jazz**

 **Disclaimer:I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn and never will throughout all these drabbles/shorts.**

* * *

 _ **Hat Rack**_

 _ **01:47 AM**_

The lights on the top of the store flickered slightly as the 24-hour sign on the front of the store gleamed in the darkness of the night. Or morning. Whichever you preferred.

Now, normal people would be sleeping or at least getting ready for bed by now. However, Tsunayoshi was definitely _not_ normal and by this time, he was bustling around the store.

He narrowed his eyes at the hat rack he was looking at, the mirror reflecting the giant sunhat the shadowed his eyes. It was practically bigger than his entire head.

 _Nope, not this one either._

Ripping the sunhat off his head, he set it back on the lower rack before rubbing his chin in thought. He snagged a top hat and popped it on his head.

Damn, he looked classy. Glancing at the full body mirror, he checked his surroundings before posing dramatically. He chuckled, but set the top hat back before snatching a hard-hat and smothering down his spiked brown locks to fit it.

 _He looked like his father._

Tsuna shrieked and threw the hat as far as he could away from him. He winced as the hat crashed into the window right next to the cashier - who in question paid no notice to it and continued smiling serenely as if it never happened.

Tsuna gulped nervously before laughing shakily and looked back at the hat rack that continued to sneer at him. He'd been wanting a hat for a long time, but none had the desired effect he wanted. Reaching out, he grabbed one that was a beanie but looked like…

 _A racoon?_

He stuffed it over his unruly hair before nodding slightly with a grin. It fell when looked at the price tag. He swore he felt a little piece of his soul break off.

 _So… many… numbers…_

He sighed (he'd been doing that too much lately) and practically threw the beanie back to the rack but then remembered how expensive it was. Restraining the urge to rip the cloth up, he carefully set it back. With bored eyes, he nearly gave up on hats when _he saw it._

It was beautiful, it was glorious, it was… _fabulous._

A fine black fedora with a single orange strap around the base lay majestically on a nearby table.

 _It has to be on sale... Right? Of course, it's amazing. Who would even_ think _of leaving such an amazing fedora here, by itself?_

He reached a shaky hand before gingerly grasping the fedora and setting it upon his head.

He felt _amazing._

Glancing at the full body mirror, Tsuna had to admit- He looked pretty badass in that fedora. He tilted the tip down and smirked, letting the shadow encompass his eyes. He pointed his thumb up and index finger forward, the rest of his fingers curled into his palm, his whole hand in a mock gun position.

He wouldn't admit it, but for a solid minute, he whispered. "Pew pew" a few times, pointing his finger gun at anything he wanted, pretending to shoot

 _Oh yeah. This is the one. It even makes_ me _look amazing._

" _Ahem."_

Tsuna froze at the deep and accusing voice that sounded behind him. Slowly, Tsuna pulled his arm away from the tip of the fedora, and his other hand out of the mock gun position before slowly turning around.

To say this man looked terrifying was an understatement.

 _He looked absolutely horrifying._

"C-Can I help you?" Tsuna smiled shakily at the man that coolly had one hand in his pocket almost grasping something.

 _Please don't be a weapon, oh PLEASE don't be a weapon!_

"I believe you are in possession of something that belongs to me." He commented lightly with a dark undertone lacing that smirk of his. Raking his eyes across the - extremely - tall man, Tsuna gulped at how much he matched the fedora. That jet black spiked hair, black suit, matching undershirt to the strap on the fedora and… curly sideburns? Okay, now Tsuna _knew_ something was off - especially if the murderous aura was anything to go by.

"Oh… you mean- er, the h-hat?" He stammered over his words at the killer intent this man was leaking. The black haired man's head inclined slightly, the smirk still on his lips - it was honestly giving Tsuna a panic attack by now. He was about to give the man his hat when he froze.

 _Wait just one minute. This hat was on the table, so it's fair game!_

Poor, poor Tsunayoshi. He had no idea that the hat actually belonged to the terrifying man.

He straightened his shoulders and stared straight at the intimidating man with an unwavering gaze. "I saw the hat first. It's mine."

What happened next scarred him for life.

The barrel of a gun was suddenly pressed into the middle of his eyes.

"Want to say that again?"

Needless to say, Tsuna just smiled, gave him the hat, and walked away.

The smile still on his face the entire way home.

* * *

 _ **Mannequin Feels**_

 _ **3:04 AM**_

Tsunayoshi wholeheartedly believed that when it got to 3 AM in the morning, the weirdo's came out.

And this was just one of those moments.

"I mean," the silver-haired man sobbed. "I don't know why they don't believe me! It's so obvious they exist!"

Tsuna just sighed and watched as the silver haired male sobbed to the mannequin like it was a real person.

"You get me! But they don't," tears fell down like rivers from the man's striking green hues. "Why don't they just believe me… All the evidence is there, they just don't want to admit it. And then they all make fun of me because I KNOW THEY'RE REAL!"

The wails grew even louder as Tsuna desperately searched for the milk. The strange man hugged the female mannequin even tighter, getting the clothes that were on display wet with tears. "I know… But they just- yeah!" He had a desperate one-sided conversation with the mannequin. "Really?" The tears stopped. "Oh… thank you. I knew I could trust you!" The man continued to wail, his voice growing incredibly high pitched.

And then it went silent.

Peering over his shoulder, Tsuna blanched as he saw the man kissing - _kissing!-_ the mannequin.

 _Why me..._

His shoulders slumped as the cashier - who Tsuna somehow later found out to also be the manager - did nothing but continue to smile as he stared at them, his eyes closed serenely.

Tsuna began to secretly loathe that man.

Guess it was up to him this time.

"Uh, excuse me?"

Tsuna swore the man's head turned 360 degrees - he shuddered at this.

"What the hell do you want, brat? Go back to your parents."

The brunet felt _beyond_ offended.

 _I know I'm short but that doesn't mean you can call me a child! I'm twenty-four dammit._

"I'm sorry, but… I just wanted to ask you… _what are you doing?"_

The man's green orbs narrowed dangerously at the shorter male. "Having an intellectual conversation with this," he gestured to the mannequin. "Fine lady here about UMA's. Got a problem with it? Or are you gonna say they don't exist as well?"

Tsuna wanted to run, hide, and cry about how his life choices turned out but he answered anyway.

And that was where Tsunayoshi made his grave mistake.

"Not at all, I completely believe you… yeah."

And then… The man _sparkled._ "You believe me? Really? No one ever believes me."

Tsuna dryly glanced at the mannequin and back at the man. _Yeah. I can tell._

"They all think I'm crazy! I'm so glad to have met you! I have to go tell that baseball freak that _someone_ believes me. Thank you so much! How can I ever repay you?" The man glomped the smaller of them before sprinting off, not even waiting for an answer.

Tsuna just sighed and walked to get more milk when a piece of paper fell out of his shirt. "What the?..."

 _Gokudera Hayato_

 _XXX-XXX-XXXX_

With a smile that was becoming too normal to him, he took the paper and ripped it into shreds before walking to get some milk.

 _Because he deserved that milk._

* * *

 _ **Marshmallow War**_

 _ **2:51 AM**_

Tsunayoshi sullenly trudged to the sweet's aisle. He was shopping for marshmallows. Why you may ask. Well, lately, Tsuna had decided to start baking recipes that his mother had recommended and the next one on the list required marshmallows. It would be the first time he ever made a marshmallow cake so he needed the best.

Reaching the aisle, the brunet froze in his tracks and his eye twitched at the sight. The entire shelf that held marshmallows was completely barren except for one. Single. Bag.

There was another man at the other side of the aisle that looked like a marshmallow himself - it was mainly the hair Tsuna later agreed. They both made brief eye contact, honey with violet, before looking back to the one bag of marshmallows. Neither moved a muscle, both in a silent stalemate, looking at the bag and then back to each other.

Tsuna made the first move and lunged for the bag, the albino on the other side following suit. Tsuna grabbed one end, and the other man grabbed the opposite end.

"These are my marshmallows, get your own," Tsuna hissed and tugged harder on his side, trying to claim the bag.

"How dare you! These marshmallows - along with the other bags that were already gone - belong to me!" Growled the other with narrowed eyes.

"Give it to me!"

"Never! Just let go!"

"I will _not!_ You let go!"

"No way!"

The tug of war continued as the cashier _still_ watched them with a smile.

 _Riiiip_

And it rained marshmallows.

* * *

 _ **Shampoo and Conditioner**_

 _ **2:15 AM**_

Tsunayoshi stared at the man in front of him. Namely the many, _many_ bottles of shampoo and conditioner in his arms. His abnormally long white hair was braided and clipped upwards as he inconspicuously placed the shampoo and conditioner in his basket. In the basket -Tsuna noticed- was various hair clips, some hairspray, a brush, comb, and mayonnaise?

He raised an eyebrow at this but said nothing.

The man just glared at him. "It's good for hair…" He muttered after a few seconds.

They just stared at each other for a few stiff moments.

"Voii! What are you looking at me for?"

"I get the exact same shampoo and conditioner brand."

They both had a sudden spark of respect for each other at this.

"If you say anything about this to anyone, I will find you, and I _will kill you."_

"Deal."

He never did speak of that event again.

And neither did the cashier.

* * *

 _ **Go! Pokeball!**_

 _ **4:28 AM**_

Ever since Tsunayoshi got out of school, he was glad he never saw anyone from school again lest they bring up bad memories. He always purposely avoided them, and this was easier since he went to the store at ungodly hours. So one could say that when he saw the head of the Disciplinary Committee, Hibari Kyouya, at the store at four AM in the morning, it was quite a surprise.

The brunet was walked into a toy aisle, trying to find a nice stuffed animal for his cat, Natsu, and saw Hibari Kyouya himself. The skylark froze as the two made eye contact, and Tsuna had absolutely no idea on why Hibari was rummaging through the _Pokemon_ plushies.

"U-uh…"

Hibari said nothing, but gracefully got out of the tub, turned to Tsuna and did the one thing the brunet never saw coming in a thousand years.

 _Kyouya threw a Pokeball at Tsunayoshi._

The small plastic ball smacked Tsuna in the face and fell to the floor, but neither of the two did anything.

Hibari slowly backed away until he was out of sight. Tsuna just kept on smiling, turned around, and marched back out.

Ignoring the smiling cashier.

* * *

 **That's a wrap for now. Tell me what you think! And who do you want to see next?**


	2. Chapter 2

**_**Gumball Machine**_**

 _ **2:31 AM**_

"Damn trash! Give me the fucking gumball!"

Tsunayoshi swore he felt the ground shake for a few seconds. Turning around to the front of the store, he saw a man threatening to smash the gumball machine.

 _He liked that gumball machine._

Well, the cashier wasn't doing anything to help - just smiling as always - so he took it upon himself to help the gumball mach- the man. Yes. Help the man.

"Whoa whoa whoa, calm down." He rushed over to the black haired man who snarled at him and then back to the machine, and then back to him. "W-What's the problem here?" Tsuna stuttered at the intimidating male.

"What does it look like, trash? The damn machine stole my quarter and _didn't give me my damn gumball!"_

"Are you sure you did everything correctly?..."

The glare that could kill them all, turned on him and Tsuna shrunk at the gaze.

"Are you doubting me, trash?"

"N-No…?" Tsunayoshi paled with a shaky grin on his face as a fist entered his personal bubble.

 _Do these people know nothing about personal space?!_

But then the fist opened with a quarter in the palm.

Tsuna stared at the quarter. Then the man. Then back to the quarter. Then to the man again.

"You try and get the gumball then, trash."

Tsuna nodded rapidly and stole the quarter before scooting towards the small machine. Popping the coin in the slot, he watched as the little orange gumball spun down and finally out.

 _Maybe if I give this as an offering, he won't kill me_

"What… the fuck is this? Why did it work for trash like you, and not me?" He snatched the gumball from Tsuna's hand with a snarl and marched away. He turned his head slightly before leaving the building. "I expect you here next week. Same time. Same place."

Tsuna sighed.

* * *

 _ **Haircut**_

 _ **1:34 AM**_

"Hieee!" Tsunayoshi shrieked as he ducked, the kitchen knife just skimming the top of his head.

 _Why does this keep happening?_

All he did, was head to the store to get some scissors to open a pack of scissors that he had gotten to open a pack of scissors.

Yeah.

He hated society.

And now, he was being chased by a knife-wielding maniac - this was _not_ how Tsuna wanted to go out. Another kitchen knife - a cleaver this time - skimmed past him. He shrieked again and threw himself to the floor to miss one of the knives that went right above him.

 _Was it too much to ask for at least_ one _peaceful night? Was it!?_

Tsuna was hysterical by now as the blonde maniac continued to giggle - _giggle! -_ at the brunet's misfortune.

"Shishishi. These knives aren't fit for the prince, but they will have to do for this peasant!"

Tsuna considered just letting this 'Prince' end him now. But then he would never open his scissors! And that was his overall goal in life if he was being honest with himself.

He jumped back up and lunged for the door as one last knife went right over his head. He cursed the cashier who never did anything to help. Dropping the scissors, - that needed scissors to open - Tsunayoshi sprinted out into the night.

The blonde just strolled to the spot where one of the thinner knives was impaled into the ground before tugging it out and throwing it backward. It flew straight for the cashier, who in question, caught the knife in between his middle and index finger - all with a smile - and set it under the register.

The knife-wielder bent down with a wild grin and picked up the locks of brown hair that had been cut off in his last attempt. He was honestly awed at this, there was only one person that had hair similar to this. But even so, he stuffed it in his pocket and leisurely went back to knife shopping.

"I wonder how the peasant gets his hair so soft and fluffy."

* * *

 _ **Crackers**_

 _ **2:34 AM**_

"Oi, watch where you're going, kora."

Tsuna turned around from where he was looking at multiple brands of crackers and raised an eyebrow at the blonde in camouflage. He sighed and responded with an unamused glare. "Not to be rude, but you were the one that bumped into me."

The blonde looked appalled at this statement and stammered out a response to brunet. "Well, I- uh, I… It doesn't matter who bumped into who. I'm the oldest here, so I automatically have a right to an apology from you, kora."

Tsuna stared at him for a few moments before turning away. "Alright, sorry then." He continued to nonchalantly look at the crackers.

"W-What, no, kora. I demand an actual, heartfelt, apology! As part of the younger generation, your job in society is to respect your elders, kora. Not disrespect." The blonde admonished harshly to the smaller of the two.

"That sorry was all you're going to get out of me."

"Oh really now?"

And then he pulled out a rifle. _A rifle._

Tsuna felt a piece of him die that moment.

"I-is that allowed h-here-" His plea was drowned out by the blonde's crowing.

"Are you going to apologize now?"

 _What was it with people and pulling weapons on him?_ Tsuna swore that these people were going to kill him one day.

Tsunayoshi wanted to yell, he wanted to scream, he wanted to run home and stay with his mother. But he didn't. He gulped down the lump in his throat and clenched his fists tightly as the cold metal bounced on his skull.

"N-No-"

 _Click_

 _Well… there goes the safety latch…_

 _...And my sanity._

"Hiiieee! No no no no, don't shoot, don't shoot, don't shoot!"

"Are you going to say sorry then, kora?"

Tsuna then made one of the most idiotic decisions in his entire life. "No…?"

He ducked right when the bullet flew. It whizzed past where Tsuna's head used to be, flying directly by the cashier - who in question didn't even flinch, and just kept smiling (Tsuna honestly hated that cashier).

"Alright… Alright. Before you shoot again - _please don't_ \- at least tell me how old you are."

The blonde scoffed, and set the rifle into place again. "If it makes a brat like you apologize, I guess it wouldn't hurt to tell you, kora."

Tsuna felt sweat rolling down his neck like bullets as a literal bullet was positioned at his forehead. Looking expectantly at the blonde, he tried to wiggle away from the muzzle of the gun.

"Nineteen years old, and your senior, kora. Bet you're like, what? Eleven, twelve? Ha, I'll even go as far as thirteen."

Tsuna held back the urge to facepalm. He took this as an insult to his height.

"I'm twenty-four."

 _Silence._

"...Oh."

"Yes. And if you will excuse me, I'm going back to cracker shopping."

"Right… sorry… sir…"

Tsuna sighed - for what felt like the millionth time that night - and spun on his heels back to to the blonde. "What's your name?"

"Uh, Colonello..."

Tsuna tossed a box of crackers at Colonello - who in question scrambled to catch them. He looked at the brunet with a questioning face.

"It's been a long night. I'm tired. And you need those more than I do."

Tsuna walked away.

He never got his crackers.

He cried for them.

* * *

 ** _Produce Aisle_**

 ** _12:59_**

Tsunayoshi never went into the produce aisle.

Why you may ask. Well, the main reason was that there were always two people - _possibly siblings?_ \- that were in that aisle. And it wasn't just because they were people, - _Tsuna quite likes people_ \- it was because of the deadly aura that always emanated from the brother of the two -If they are siblings. Tsuna never knew what they - it was more the male than the female Tsuna noted - were angry about. So it was this day, that he decided to ask - he didn't want too, but he needed pineapples for a new recipe he was trying out, so, win-win, right?

Except, of course, the main thing that they were angry at was the main reason Tsuna had to go into the aisle in the first place.

 _How can one person hate pineapples so much?_

The blue-haired male had an evil aura surrounding him as he glared daggers at the fruit, his eyes narrowed to slits. Tsuna swore he could see fire in his eyes and a menacing grin towards the fruit.

Tsuna gulped down the lump in his throat, his palms sweating as he tried to gather the courage to get the fruit he needed. When he saw how much hatred the male was looking at the fruit with, he nearly wimped out - how he wanted to - but continued on.

He moved closer to the fruit in inches, trying to tell himself he would survive this. Looking at the pair, he noticed the male standing almost protectively in front of the female.

 _Why would you need protection from a pineapple?_

The female of the group in question was continuously looking back and forth from the fruit on the stand to a handheld mirror, looking on in disbelief. She whispered with a soft breath to the male. "Is this... What we look like?"

"Of course not, dear Chrome." The man folded her into his arms, glaring at the fruit. "They just do not understand us. And if I must," he grinned devilishly. "I'll just destroy all who oppose us."

Tsuna froze at this, he _really_ didn't want to die.

 _But he needed that pineapple._

Slapping a fake grin on his face, Tsuna gathered his wits and marched over to the fruit with mock confidence. Stopping in front of the stand, he gathered a few pineapples and marched away stiffly. He felt two pairs of eyes on his back, but kept marching toward the cashier to check out the fruit.

 _Almost there, almost there. Just keep walking, keep walking, keep- wait, shit, no no no no-_

Tsuna was suddenly being dragged backward, back into the produce aisle.

 _He wanted to strangle that cashier._

At the end of it all, he went home.

Pineapple-less.

Tsuna never went back there for pineapples.

 _Ever._

* * *

 **Currently working on Fon, a combined chapter with Mammon/Viper and Fran, and I'm thinking of rewriting Hayato's chapter because I didn't like the way it turned out. Also, I got a plot bunny (at midnight) so I might be making another KHR story in the near future. Sorry for any typo's.**

 **And there's been some conspiracy toward the beloved cashier and well...**

 **I can't accept any idea's**

 **... But I also can't deny any ;)**

 **What did you think? Who do you want to see next? Let me know!**


End file.
